Gosh, you so nice…

17 01 2014

I shouldn’t ever be surprised any more at how nice, and generous, and kind the infertility community is… heartbreaking when you not only wish your body worked for yourself, but also so you could help someone else!  And so many lovely ladies have written telling me they would GC for me if only they could.  And it means the world to me.  Thank you SO MUCH.

One tiny peep of irritation… so many people are pregnant.  People for whom I am DELIRIOUSLY happy (like my friend Katie who got prego on her third IVF and Pam who had to go the DE route and is 33 weeks) and people I don’t even know (like every.single.frickin.woman.in.the.grocery.store.ever. And in the elevator.  And the post office. And.. and.. and..)

That’s okay.  Rocky times at home, arguments, mostly my fault, mostly having nothing to do with infertility.  Super pressured at work.  Lots of deaths in our family.  Money issues.  I think we’d divorce if we weren’t so upside down on the house, if it wouldn’t upset his family, if we hadn’t already put in nine years and we’d resent thinking it was a waste.  So not a good time to have a baby, anyway.  He even says “even if we don’t get divorced, we shouldn’t have a baby.”  So frustrating.

Thanks for listening ladies.


Soooo… long time no see.. here’s the update..

8 01 2014

I got nothin’ for ya.

I’m hoping we’ll somehow luck into a gestational carrier that doesn’t cost $60-80k (i.e. one not a stranger through an agency.) We’re happy to pay her, and thank goodness Texas is a very progressive state for GC arrangements. But otherwise, it’s not happening. We have two embryos left on ice, I’m 41, and there’s nothing left to try to quell my insane inflammation besides IVIg, and that on top of the neupogen and everything else is just probably too expensive for too small a hope that it might work. I’d rather put them into a healthy uterus.

Or… maybe just be the cool aunt.

I’m working my brain around that.

I love you… thanks for reading.

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Okay, so, it’s not like I think everything I say and do is so damn awesome that everyone should know about it. In a blog. It’s just that as if being blind, and a vegetarian, with anxiety/OCD, and having the ability to accidentally break almost anything, and not liking chocolate, would be enough. But no. I also have to have IVF. Could I be any more minority? So it’s like god is playing one big joke on me… and I am not going down without a fight. In fact, God, I’m going to tell your mum on you. Well I would if my knowledge of religion was good enough for me to figure out who your mum is. Eve? Is it Eve? Well, Eve, this is what your son has been up to, and God, I just got you grounded pretty much forever. In your face, God. Ha.

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