Uteryou suck.

8 07 2013

In the last three weeks, my life with my husband has been turned upside down due to a perfect storm of factors: stupid decisions on my part, stupid decisions on the part of others, innate and inherent characteristics and learned behaviors on my husband’s part and on mine.

So, we’re back in therapy, and the whole TTC kit and kaboodle has been thrown out the window.  For now at least.  

And we went to a Fourth of July BBQ where every single freaking female of breeding age was pregnant (hugely) or nursing or chasing a toddler or all three at once (ok, maybe two of three)… or was a lesbian cuddling indulgently with her honey.  Except me.  (ok, I actually was cuddling cutely with my nonlesbian honey.. because no matter how mad we get at each other, we manage to forget and fall back into our habits of being cute.  Most of the time.)

Therapy session #2 is tonight.  And just for grins, I filled out the form at California Conceptions for the whole embryo adoption gig.  Even though I know my husband is 110% dead set against anything like that.  (“The reason I want to have a child is to see what YOU plus ME equals.  I don’t care about what SOMEONE ELSE plus SOMEONE ELSE makes.”)

I don’t know if this means I would ever create a forced choice– like, I’m gonna get me an embryo and you can like it or lump it– or if I’m just sad and wishing I were pregnant.

I mean, shit.  Even my infertile bestie in Seattle is now pregnant (and having morning sickness) with her donor-egg baby.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased and relieved and worried and happy all for her.  I wouldn’t want it any other way.  But for real… *sigh*

I haven’t any idea where I am in my cycle not that it matters, chances of us doing the business are ZEEEEEE-roh, and if we DID a million times, it still wouldn’t work.

AND… why bother with embryo donation? because I’d still burn that embryo to a crisp in the fiery immunological furnace that is my uterus.

There is no “us” in uterus.  My uterus is fully on its own.  It’s off the reservation.  It should be “uteryou.”  As in, uteryou suck.


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