Much belated update..

7 06 2013

It’s really painful to check in here on my blog reader and see how many infertiles are pregnant or have a newborn (or two).  Painful and annoying.  Just like coming in to work and having everyone be pregnant or returning from maternity leave.  OK fine not EVERYone but at least 3 women out of an office of 40.  Where is some of that water so I can have some?

I met with Dr Braverman in NY in mid-May.  The short version is, I don’t know very much about whatever is wrong with me, and Dr. B has some ideas but needs to do more research and reading.  We don’t have a plan in mind for next steps– although I did get two more pricey tests run by Reprosource– and right now we’re just kind of in limbo, waiting on results.  The problem is I have only two blasts left.  If I had ten, we could kind of tinker with things… but at best I have two transfers left.  So frankly, I’ve kind of checked out.  I’m pissed at the whole deal.

I mean, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK.  I may not have done everything right in my life, I may have made stupid choices and made stupid mistakes, but I have not been a BAD person.  And in all other arenas, there wasn’t ANYTHING I couldn’t accomplish, given enough hard work and determination on my part.  So really– life– why?   I did my best, I found the best doctor, and… what the fuck.

I guess you could say I’m already starting the process of wrapping my brain around childlessness.  (The transition from childish to childless is much quicker than you might imagine.)

I’ll let you know when I get the next results and what Dr B says.



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